Welcome to Camper vs. Critters: The Ultimate Wilderness Showdown!
How much do you really know about your campsite neighbors?
Take a peek at our quick quiz in Table 1 to test your wildlife wisdom.
Table 1. Take the quiz!
Table 2. Rate yourself.
Don’t worry if you’re stumped – we’re here to boost your knowledge from “Needs Improvement” to “Expert” on our handy scale (Table 2).
Get ready for a wild ride full of laughs, learning, and genius tips to help you reign supreme in the great outdoors!
1. The Great Raccoon Raid: Outsmarting the Masked Bandits
The Promise vs. The Reality:
- Promise: A peaceful night under the stars, serenaded by the gentle sounds of nature.
- Reality: A midnight invasion leaves your campsite looking like a frat party aftermath.
Raccoons are nature’s little burglars, capable of turning your well-organized RV setup into a chaotic scene from “Ocean’s Eleven: Wilderness Edition.”
But don’t worry!
Here are five clever RV-specific tips to outsmart these furry felons:
- RV Pantry Lockdown: A regular cooler in your RV kitchen?
To a raccoon, that’s just a welcome mat.
Invest in a heavy-duty, animal-proof container for your outdoor kitchen.
If you can open it easily, so can Rocky Raccoon and his gang.
- The Garbage Compartment Tactic: Raccoons love trash like it’s a five-star buffet.
Keep garbage in sealed containers inside your RV’s storage compartment or in designated animal-proof bins at the campsite.
Hanging it from a tree?
That’s just an invitation to a weird piñata party.
- Exterior Lights on Guard: Raccoons are nocturnal.
Install motion-sensor lights around your RV.
When Mr. Raccoon trips the sensor, he’ll be caught in a spotlight worthy of Broadway.
- The Spice Barrier: Raccoons hate strong smells.
Sprinkle cayenne pepper or place ammonia-soaked rags around your RV’s exterior.
It’s like an invisible “No raccoons allowed!” sign.
- Radio Trickery: Leave a radio on inside your RV, tuned to a talk station.
The sound of human voices will make raccoons think twice before trying to break in.
In the battle of wits between you and a raccoon, you’re only slightly favored to win.
Stay vigilant, keep your humor, and maybe invest in a raccoon-proof vault for your s’mores supplies.
Because nothing ruins a camping trip faster than a marshmallow heist!
2. Bear Necessities: How Not to Become a Picnic Basket
The Promise vs. The Reality:
- Promise: Majestic wildlife sightings from the safety of your RV.
- Reality: You become an unwitting participant in your own “Revenant” reenactment.
Let’s address the 800-pound grizzly in the room—bears.
These creatures can turn your RV camping experience into a “please-don’t-eat-me” nightmare.
Here’s how to coexist with our furry forest friends:
- Bear-Proof Pantry: Bears can smell a candy bar from miles away.
Store all food, toiletries, and anything with a scent in bear-proof containers or the campsite’s bear boxes.
Your RV’s interior storage is not bear-proof unless it’s made of solid steel and guarded by ninjas.
- Cooking Away from the Rig: Cook at least 100 yards from your RV, and don’t sleep in the clothes you cooked in.
Unless you want to wake up as a bear’s midnight snack.
- Bear Spray Readiness: Carry bear spray and know how to use it. But remember, it’s not a dashboard air freshener. Spray the bear, not yourself.
- Noise on the Trail: Bears don’t like surprises.
When hiking, make noise—sing, clap, or attach a bear bell to your RV’s keychain.
Maybe avoid singing “The Bare Necessities” from The Jungle Book, though.
- Bear Encounter 101: Playing dead doesn’t work for all bear encounters.
For grizzlies, yes.
For black bears, make yourself look big and make noise.
Know your bears—it could save your life.
Bears are usually more afraid of you than you are of them.
Keep your distance, respect their space, and enjoy the great outdoors without starring in “When Bears Attack: RV Edition.”
3. Deer and Antelope Play… Havoc with Your Campsite
The Promise vs. The Reality:
- Promise: Charming woodland creatures frolicking in the meadow.
- Reality: A deer demolition derby with your RV campsite as the racetrack.
Disney movies might have us believe deer are harmless, but the reality is they’re more like vandals with a taste for your portable garden.
Here’s how to keep Bambi from turning your campsite into their playground:
- Garden Defense Systems: Bringing a mini garden in your RV?
Congrats, you’ve just created an all-you-can-eat buffet for deer.
Protect your plants with netting or keep them inside your RV’s shaded storage.
- RV Salt Wash: Deer love salt.
If you’ve used road salt on your RV, wash it before your trip unless you want a deer tongue stuck to your door handle.
- Motion Sensor Mischief: Motion sensor lights work for deer too.
For extra fun, try a motion-activated sprinkler.
Nothing says “deer deterrent” like an impromptu shower.
- Scent-Blocking Strategy: Hang soap bars or dryer sheets around your RV’s exterior.
It might smell like a laundromat, but it’s better than becoming a deer disco.
- Temporary Fencing: Set up a temporary fence around your campsite.
Even a simple rope barrier can deter deer—they’re not exactly known for their problem-solving skills.
Deer might look cute, but they can cause real damage.
Stay vigilant and avoid wearing those irresistible clover-patterned pajamas to bed.
4. Squirrel Tactics: Winning the Nut Wars
The Promise vs. The Reality:
- Promise: Adorable woodland creatures providing entertainment from a distance.
- Reality: A highly organized squirrel militia declaring war on your RV snacks.
Squirrels might look cute, but they’re on a mission to steal every last crumb.
Here’s how to outsmart these nutty ninjas:
- Airtight RV Pantry: Squirrels can chew through almost anything.
Use airtight, hard plastic or metal containers for all food items inside your RV and at your picnic table.
- The Food Hoist Hoax: Squirrels can climb.
Hanging your food is less “safe storage” and more “squirrel obstacle course.”
Use proper storage containers or secure compartments in your RV.
- Squirrel Entertainment Zone: Set up a squirrel feeder far from your RV.
It’s like creating a squirrel nightclub—keep them busy elsewhere.
- The Spice Barrier: Sprinkle cayenne pepper around your RV campsite.
It’s like a spicy force field.
- RV Lockdown: When you’re away, lock up your RV tighter than Fort Knox.
Squirrels are notorious for finding that one tiny opening you forgot about.
In the battle against squirrels, vigilance is key.
Stay one step ahead, and you might just prevent “The Great Nut Heist of 2023” from happening at your campsite.
5. Insect Invasion: Becoming the Bug-Free Bubble Boy (or Girl)
The Promise vs. The Reality:
- Promise: Peaceful evenings around the campfire, enjoying nature’s symphony.
- Reality: Becoming an all-you-can-eat buffet for every six-legged critter in a 5-mile radius.
Insects are the uninvited guests at every RV outing.
Here’s how to create your own bug-free bubble in the great outdoors:
- Mosquito RV Defense: Use EPA-approved insect repellents, wear long sleeves and pants, avoid camping near standing water, and consider mosquito netting for your RV’s windows and doors.
- Ant-proof Pantry: Keep food in sealed containers, clean up spills immediately, and create a barrier with diatomaceous earth around your RV’s perimeter.
- Fly-Free Zone: Keep your RV campsite clean, use fly paper or traps, and consider natural repellents like citronella or peppermint.
- Tick Check Protocol: Wear long clothes, use permethrin-treated gear, and do regular tick checks—make it a fun family activity!
- Wasp Alert: Avoid bright colors or floral patterns, keep food covered, and stay calm if you encounter a wasp.
Remember, in the insect world, you’re the intruder.
Respect their space, protect yourself, and maybe write a heartfelt apology letter to all the bugs you’ve squashed over the years.
Who knows, they might decide to leave you alone.
6. The Night Owl’s Nemesis: Winning Against Nocturnal Nuisances
The Promise vs. The Reality:
- Promise: Peaceful nights under starry skies.
- Reality: A midnight cacophony of hoots, howls, and “what the heck was that?!” moments.
As the sun sets, the nocturnal crowd comes alive.
Here’s how to ensure your RV beauty sleep isn’t interrupted by nature’s night shift:
- Owl Outcry Buster: Use a white noise machine, insulate your RV windows, or invest in some quality earplugs.
- Coyote Campground Defense: Keep small pets inside your RV, store food securely, and use motion-activated lights around your RV.
- Bat-Proof Your Rig: Keep your RV sealed at night, avoid fruity or floral-scented products, and stay calm if a bat gets in.
- Nighttime Food Storage: Store all food inside your RV, clean up thoroughly after meals, and use motion-activated sprinklers.
Remember, the night belongs to these creatures.
You’re just a guest in their wilderness rave.
Embrace the experience, but maybe pack some industrial-strength earplugs, just in case.
7. The Snake Shake: Avoiding Slithery Surprises
The Promise vs. The Reality:
- Promise: Observing diverse wildlife from a safe distance.
- Reality: Playing “Snake, Snake, Where’s the Snake?” every time you step outside your RV.
Snakes are fascinating creatures, but you’d rather not encounter them up close.
Here’s how to minimize the chances:
- Campsite Cleanup: Keep your RV campsite free of debris, tall grass, and woodpiles.
Snakes love these hiding spots.
- RV Sealing Mission: Inspect your RV for small openings and seal them up.
Don’t let a snake show off its flexibility inside your living space.
- Illuminate the Campsite: Use ample lighting around your RV campsite at night.
Snakes prefer to stay hidden, so a well-lit area is about as appealing to them as a dentist appointment.
- Vibration Warnings: Use a walking stick to create vibrations while moving around your RV.
Snakes will often slither away before you see them.
- Proper RV Footwear: Wear closed-toe shoes and long pants when walking in snake-prone areas.
It’s not the most fashionable look, but it beats bare ankles in snake territory.
Most snakes are more afraid of you than you are of them.
Respect their space, and they’ll generally return the favor.
8. The Great Bird Bombardment: Surviving Aerial Assaults
The Promise vs. The Reality:
- Promise: Delightful birdwatching and cheerful morning chirps.
- Reality: Your RV becomes a target practice for every feathered friend in the vicinity.
Birds can be delightful, but they can also be pranksters.
Here’s how to coexist with our feathered frenemies:
- RV Cover-Up: Invest in a good RV cover when not using your vehicle.
It’s like an umbrella, but for bird droppings.
- Reflective Deterrents: Hang reflective objects around your RV campsite to deter birds.
- Fake Predator Setup: Set up fake owls or hawks around your RV.
Move them occasionally to keep the birds fooled.
- No-Feed Policy: Don’t feed the birds—you’re just inviting trouble.
- Strategic RV Parking: Avoid parking under trees to prevent bird droppings on your RV.
Birds are just doing what comes naturally.
If you find yourself covered in feathers, take a deep breath and remind yourself—you’re making memories.
9. The Insect Infiltration: Battling the Microscopic Menace
The Promise vs. The Reality:
- Promise: Experiencing nature up close and personal.
- Reality: Becoming a walking buffet for every six-legged critter in the area.
Insects seem to find every inch of skin you forgot to cover with repellent.
Here’s how to avoid being the main course:
- RV Hygiene: Use unscented toiletries and avoid wearing perfume or cologne.
You’re RV camping, not speed dating.
- Bug Barrier Clothing: Wear long sleeves and pants, especially during dawn and dusk.
Think of it as your personal bug force field.
- RV Screen Check: Ensure your RV screens are in good condition.
Bugs are like tiny ninjas—don’t give them an opening.
- Insect Repellent Arsenal: Use EPA-approved insect repellents.
Apply liberally and often.
- Natural RV Defenses: Plant insect-repelling herbs like lavender, rosemary, or citronella around your RV campsite.
In the great bug war, you’re outnumbered but not outsmarted.
Stay vigilant, stay covered, and you might just win this battle.
Final Hitch-Up: Embracing the Wild Side of RV Life
Congratulations, intrepid camper!
You’re now armed with the knowledge to face the wilderness and its wily inhabitants.
Remember, the goal isn’t to conquer nature, but to coexist with it – preferably without losing your snacks in the process.
So pack your sense of humor along with these tips, and get ready for some unforgettable adventures.
When a raccoon outsmarts you, or a bird uses your RV for target practice, just laugh it off.
After all, these are the moments that transform a simple camping trip into legendary tales.
Happy camping, and may your marshmallows remain safely in your possession!
